Butler: “Madam, would you like something to eat?”

Lady of the house: “Yes please, get me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy!”

Guest: “Is there a golf course in the grounds of this house?”

Butler: “No madam”

Guest: ”Then why does my sheet have 18 holes in it”

Lady Hostess: “What kind of soup is this Butler?”

Butler: “It’s bean soup madam.”

Lady: “ I don’t care what it’s been, I want to know what it is?”

Lady of the house: “Butler, what’s this fly doing in my soup?”

Butler: “It looks like backstroke to me madam”

Lady Hostess: “Butler, I want you to stand at the door and call the guests names as they step over the threshold,”

Butler: “But of course Madame, I’ve wanted to do that for ages!”

Edward Lear the 19th Century landscape artist, once wrote of a favourite duchess who gave magnificent dinner parties, attended by the highest society. “One night whilst entertaining, she let out a huge fart and quickly focused her gaze on Hawkins the Butler, standing behind her. “Hawkins!” She cried, “Stop that!” “Certainly, Your Grace.” He replied with un-phased dignity,” Which way did it go?”