After a long hot week working in a London bank I was delighted to be asked to do refreshments at a ladies picnic down on the beach at Hayling Island, Hampshire. I hopped onto the Waterloo train to Havant and then joined the small hen party by taking a taxi to the beach at Hayling. Here I easily spotted my group of young ladies because of the nautical outfits they were all wearing. They'd arrived just minutes before me and were very pleased to see my well worked muscles as I stripped down to butler gear on the shingly sands. 

It was a hot day so I started to apply my suncream. I certainly didn't want to burn my cheeks. Soon the ladies came round offering to rub it in and before I knew it all 8 of them were enthusiastically smoothing it into my skin! One called Marie topped it off by dropping a sailors hat onto my head and getting one of the hens to take a photo of us together.

Then I set to work unpacking the hamper , pouring everyone a glass of bubbly and offering their finest picnic foods around among the guests. After a dessert of strawberries and cream we all sang a few songs and someone proposed we collected some shells to write "Happy last weekend Of Freedom Lisa" on the sand for our hen group photo. (Got to have something for Facebook!)

We all paired off to collect hand fuls of shells to do the message with. Marie and I were collecting ours from a rock pool near a sand dune. Our hands were full and there were still more available in this pool we had found, so Marie put her catch in my apron pocket and then quickly gathered the last few out of the pool and we headed back.

We were the last ones  to return, so much of the message had been written. But we added our catch to it as I tipped out the contents of my apron pocket onto the sand , Marie placed them onto the message - carefully forming each letter. She was still a few shells short, so she put her hand in my apron pocket to see if there were any left in there she could use . As she felt about a wicked little smile played across her face........."Is that a mussel, a cockle, or just a winkle I've found in your pocket Cliff? " She asked.

I was one of 2 butlers hired for the afternoon divorce party of a female lawyer in Piccadilly. She'd booked a private room at The London Pavillion for 20 female friends who all came bearing gifts of fun, to lift her spirits. Our job was to dress in our very short butler aprons, add a bit of sparkle for the ladies by showing our toned pecs and bare cheeks and to serve the drinks and cup cakes with charm and panache.

After an hour of drinking and chatting, we butlers were asked to put on Alice in Wonderland hats and offer the cup cakes around to everyone. These cup cakes were a work of art! They were absolutely enormous, piled high with butter cream and a variety of decorations, all beautifully presented in colour matched, ornate ,cut away cake cases. There were 6 trays of them ..... surely 20 ladies couldn't eat all those?. (We made a bet they wouldn't)

But as we offered the trays round again and again it was becoming clear that the guests had an insatiable appetite for these delicious cup cakes. One lady asked if I would just leave her an entire tray! She placed it on the sofa next to her. I went to get another tray to offer round the remaining guests. I was just offering them to a group near the sofa when I noticed a heavily pregnant lady turn white. I quickly said "Are you ok madam? Would you like some water?" But before she could answer she fainted. Luckily I was close enough to catch her as she fell, but it tipped me off balance and I staggered backwards suporting her weight, landing on a vacant sofa seat............well nearly vacant - it was occupied by a tray of cakes which I landed right in the middle of!

I'm pleased to say that the pregnant lady had a lovely soft landing on me and was fine within two minutes of waking up. My bum was totally covered in cream cake, which looked very funny! So many kind, helpful ladies came and helped clean me up too! 

  

Hi, my names Will. Although you need to be very fit, sociable  and good looking for this work, You quickly learn to be very open minded too. Take last week for instance : I had a very strange party assignment to do in Battersea. I was told it was a ladies coffee morning. These have so far ranged from Baby Showers and Birthdays where everyone is swapping gifts to Divorce Parties where they are either spray painting or playing tug of war with their ex husband’s suits (till they rip them to shreds).

When I arrived at this one though there initially seemed to have been a vow of silence taken by the 8 participants (I was afraid maybe it would turn out to be a wake for somebody’s recently departed grandmother.) I was shown a room where I could change, then I made all the ladies fresh coffee and handed it around on a silver tray- They looked me up and down discretely and smiled approvingly and sipped their coffees quietly. Then there was a bit of whispering and giggling that I couldn’t quite make out or really understand.

Then the hostess asked if I could iron by any chance . Somewhat puzzled I answered “Yes certainly  madam – is there something special you need ironing?”  “Oh yes please!” she replied and   proceeded to point me at the most enormous pile of ironing I’ve ever seen! The strangest part of all was that I ironed for nearly the whole two hours I was there, facing the corner of the room. The ladies chatted happily away whilst I ironed and apart from the odd bright flash of light now and again (which was rather like a camera flash) , the morning passed very calmly indeed.

After I finished all the ironing, all the other ladies in the group wanted to book me for their ironing coffee mornings too. I’m really not too sure to this day , whether they wanted me for my ironing skills or my cute cheeks!