Butler Stories

Buff Butler Stories

Buff Butler Stories

Here are a range of Buff Butler Stories as told to us by our gorgeous and very good natured guys:

Butler in the Buff from Birmingham – Jumping Jack Flash

This had to be the strangest hen party Butler Jack had done so far. When Jack turned up at the house in Birmingham he noticed straight away that all the hens  were wearing colourful check trimmed narrow waisted, full skirted 50s style dresses, false eye lashes, long haired wigs and sparkly shoes with bows each matching the colour of their dresses. The place had been themed with home made Wizard of Oz style props, such as a large representation of the Tin Man in one corner made out of cardboard boxes and tin foil. In another corner there was a scarecrow made from straw and stuffed clothes, with a small toy dog at its feet.  The penny finally dropped – they were all Dorothys!

Jack didn’t have a clue what the evening would hold except that he’d been asked to serve drinks,  then some enormous hideously decorated  cup cakes  and help with some old fashioned games. He changed and got busy serving the drinks. The girls all wanted cocktails in keeping with the theme…….His Toto Teasers went down a treat!

At last it came to the old fashioned games. Jack discovered he had to compete with all the girls at a pogo –  off . The girls cleared all the furniture to the edges of the room and got the two pogo sticks out – sitting themselves round the edges of the room on the floor cushions. It shouldn’t be too hard he thought after all he was extremely fit, due to working out 5 nights a week. His muscles rippled all over his torso in anticipation. He faced 10 worthy opponents  down – having  to go through  a series of strenuous jumps, twirls and hops against each whilst never putting a foot on the ground . Which meant he had to be jumping the whole time. He had made it through every single heat, beating every hen at the party.  There was great applause each time he out poggoed yet another opponent. His considerable muscles were aching with pain when they finally crowned  him the outright winner of the pogo off. What he didn’t realise for a while was that all the hens had each taken a dive so that they could keep him in the competition and on the pogo stick as long as possible throughout the whole event . Their floor level seating  made it especially attractive for him not to drop out of the competition too soon!

Essex Naked Butler Cliff:  Never selfish with his shellfish. 

After a long hot week working in a London bank I was delighted to be asked to do refreshments at a ladies picnic down on the beach at Hayling Island, Hampshire. I hopped onto the Waterloo train to Havant and then joined the small hen party by taking a taxi to the beach at Hayling. Here I easily spotted my group of young ladies because of the nautical outfits they were all wearing. They’d arrived just minutes before me and were very pleased to see my well worked muscles as I stripped down to butler gear on the shingly sands. 

It was a hot day so I started to apply my suncream. I certainly didn’t want to burn my cheeks. Soon the ladies came round offering to rub it in and before I knew it all 8 of them were enthusiastically smoothing it into my skin! One called Marie topped it off by dropping a sailors hat onto my head and getting one of the hens to take a photo of us together.

Then I set to work unpacking the hamper , pouring everyone a glass of bubbly and offering their finest picnic foods around among the guests. After a dessert of strawberries and cream we all sang a few songs and someone proposed we collected some shells to write “Happy last weekend Of Freedom Lisa” on the sand for our hen group photo. (Got to have something for Facebook!)

We all paired off to collect hand fuls of shells to do the message with. Marie and I were collecting ours from a rock pool near a sand dune. Our hands were full and there were still more available in this pool we had found, so Marie put her catch in my apron pocket and then quickly gathered the last few out of the pool and we headed back.

We were the last ones  to return, so much of the message had been written. But we added our catch to it as I tipped out the contents of my apron pocket onto the sand , Marie placed them onto the message – carefully forming each letter. She was still a few shells short, so she put her hand in my apron pocket to see if there were any left in there she could use . As she felt about a wicked little smile played across her face………”Is that a mussel, a cockle, or just a winkle I’ve found in your pocket Cliff? ” She asked.

West Sussex Buff Butler Jo: The Mystery Of The Black Spot!

Hi my name is Jo. The best parties I’ve found, always have a theme.Last month I was called to a party in Worthing near Brighton with a most unusual theme. If you’ve heard of Treasure island – they based this party on that. When I arrived I noticed everyone was dressed in pirate gear. Some had hooks, eye patches, swords and one even had a parrot! It was a very multi generational affair and Gran was the one with the enourmous blue parrot on her shoulder …….and it was alive.

They had this game going throughout the evening called “The Black Spot”. No one ever actually mentioned the game but essentially a black sticky spot (about the size of a 20p piece) was surreptitiously transferred from person to person throughout the evening, with the intention that whoever was found still wearing it on the stroke of midnight, would perform a forfeit for the pirate captain. Everyone kept a very close eye on their neighbours despite the drink flowing so freely that night.

I noticed the black spot quietly being transferred between the ladies whilst I did the cocktails and the canapes and was just wondering where it had got to when I noticed it was very near midnight. There was a loud “Bong” on granny’s fireplace gong as she called all the giggling guests to order. She was awesomely commanding, no wonder they had chosen her to be the pirate captain. “Who has the black spot?” she asked the now hushed room. We all looked round in suspense, expecting someone to come forward……but no one actually did.

“Well go and find it then!” she commanded. Everyone scurried about checking each other over for it. After 5 minutes the spot was still unfound. Granny was looking a bit dejected……..her plan was going pear shaped…..it looked like no one was going to do her forfeit after all. Until someone behind me suddenly shouted out – “Well shiver me timbers – There it is, on Jo’s bum!” How it got there I’ll never know because I didn’t feel a thing. But I was certainly going to have to do the forfeit now

I was getting increasingly concerned about exactly what this awesome woman had in mind for me to do for her as a forfeit. So it was with huge relief that I learned – she just wanted me to catch two big hairy spiders from the downstairs bathroom for her!

 

Butler Jay _ Would you like a cup cake Madam? 

I was one of 2 butlers hired for the afternoon divorce party of a female lawyer in Piccadilly. She’d booked a private room at The London Pavillion for 20 female friends who all came bearing gifts of fun, to lift her spirits. Our job was to dress in our very short butler aprons, add a bit of sparkle for the ladies by showing our toned pecs and bare cheeks and to serve the drinks and cup cakes with charm and panache.

After an hour of drinking and chatting, we butlers were asked to put on Alice in Wonderland hats and offer the cup cakes around to everyone. These cup cakes were a work of art! They were absolutely enormous, piled high with butter cream and a variety of decorations, all beautifully presented in colour matched, ornate ,cut away cake cases. There were 6 trays of them ….. surely 20 ladies couldn’t eat all those?. (We made a bet they wouldn’t)

But as we offered the trays round again and again it was becoming clear that the guests had an insatiable appetite for these delicious cup cakes. One lady asked if I would just leave her an entire tray! She placed it on the sofa next to her. I went to get another tray to offer round the remaining guests. I was just offering them to a group near the sofa when I noticed a heavily pregnant lady turn white. I quickly said “Are you ok madam? Would you like some water?” But before she could answer she fainted. Luckily I was close enough to catch her as she fell, but it tipped me off balance and I staggered backwards suporting her weight, landing on a vacant sofa seat…………well nearly vacant – it was occupied by a tray of cakes which I landed right in the middle of!

I’m pleased to say that the pregnant lady had a lovely soft landing on me and was fine within two minutes of waking up. My bum was totally covered in cream cake, which looked very funny! So many kind, helpful ladies came and helped clean me up too! 

The Challenges Of a Party Bus!

Hi Although our company gets lots of bookings for limo outings, fire  engines, fun ambulances etc. This was my first experience of going out in a party bus full of ladies. They were running an hour late having been partying for several hours on a tour of the local pubs in the Lake District . My job was simply to serve the drinks and canapes with style and charm en route. I looked forward to a fairly straightforward party…..hopefully.

They arrived in the bus station car park with a grinding of brakes and shreiks of joy as I climbed on board. There were 20 welcoming and friendly ladies in the bus, celebrating Becca’s 30th Birthday. They had visited many pubs and were getting quite boisterous. Having a virtually naked, highly toned man in the confined space definitely added to their excitement.

The food was offered first as they had just had a drink in the last pub. Soon after this I found out that they were a very hands on group of ladies and nearly lost my apron as we lurched round another bend balancing a tray of bubbly in one hand and clutching the hanging strap with the other . They noticed my near miss and after that , saw it as an endless opportunity for some fun and giggles. It ties at the back in a bow and whenever both my hands were occupied (which was most of the time on a lurching bus ride) it became a bit of a game to them to try and loosen the strings  and create an embarassing accident for me. I charmingly joked and smiled my way through all their naughty antics for much of the trip, until I had a brainwave ……and double knotted the strings! After that I felt much more secure………and I was heartily relieved to reach our destination in one piece!   

Butler Will _ what  cheek! 

Hi, my names Will. Although you need to be very fit, sociable  and good looking for this work, You quickly learn to be very open minded too. Take last week for instance : I had a very strange party assignment to do in Battersea. I was told it was a ladies coffee morning. These have so far ranged from Baby Showers and Birthdays where everyone is swapping gifts to Divorce Parties where they are either spray painting or playing tug of war with their ex husband’s suits (till they rip them to shreds).

When I arrived at this one though there initially seemed to have been a vow of silence taken by the 8 participants (I was afraid maybe it would turn out to be a wake for somebody’s recently departed grandmother.) I was shown a room where I could change, then I made all the ladies fresh coffee and handed it around on a silver tray- They looked me up and down discretely and smiled approvingly and sipped their coffees quietly. Then there was a bit of whispering and giggling that I couldn’t quite make out or really understand.

Then the hostess asked if I could iron by any chance . Somewhat puzzled I answered “Yes certainly  madam – is there something special you need ironing?”  “Oh yes please!” she replied and   proceeded to point me at the most enormous pile of ironing I’ve ever seen! The strangest part of all was that I ironed for nearly the whole two hours I was there, facing the corner of the room. The ladies chatted happily away whilst I ironed and apart from the odd bright flash of light now and again (which was rather like a camera flash) , the morning passed very calmly indeed.

After I finished all the ironing, all the other ladies in the group wanted to book me for their ironing coffee mornings too. I’m really not too sure to this day , whether they wanted me for my ironing skills or my cute cheeks!

Butler James sees it all!

Hi I’m James. I love women and parties, so for me butlering is an ideal way of life. I’ve been doing it for 2 years now. I have got to admit I thought I’d seen nearly everything as a butler , when lo and behold, those lovely ladies surprised me yet again!

I had been doing a very refined garden party in Epsom, Surrey (It’s somewhere between Leatherhead and Sutton) on a hot June day last year. The guests ranged in age from 18 to about 80 and we were about half way through the afternoon. The ladies were all on their 2nd or 3rd round of iced fruit spritzers. The mountain of salmon sandwiches and cupcakes has all been devoured. The group I had just come over to with my tray of drinks were sitting and lying in sun loungers in the shade of a large silver weeping willow tree down by a smalll fishing lake. There was a very pleasant breeze coming off the lake which helped cool everyone down a little.

Two of the most elderly adies in the group of 8 had fallen asleep in the heat. I offered the fresh drinks around to those that were awake and turned to place the remaining 2 drinks near to their sleeping owners – when suddenly one of the two ladies sat bolt up right, rubbed her eyes and then dropped her false teeth straight into the glass I had just placed next to her!

She clearly thought it was bed time and so rolled over and went straight back to sleep! (Maybe I should ‘ve tried telling some butler stories to keep ’em awake!)

Phil can fix it! 

Hi my name’s Fix it Phil – you’ll soon see why. One day last winter I was at a big country mansion in Kingston Upon Thames which is over towards Twickenham, doing a murder mystery hen night. When suddenly one of the ladies burst into tears because she’d lost her ruby earring through the cast iron railings that encased a suit of armour in the main hall where we were doing a banquet style supper. I quickly put down my wine flaggon an rushed to her aid. It didn’t look like too much of a problem, I could get my head through the railings to see where the earring was without too much trouble. Then I managed to get my arm through to reachthe earring. I just had it within my grasp when I realised I couldn’t get my head back out! I wouldn’t have minded normally, but you can imagine the scene can’t you? Naked butler with head stuck in railings, naked rear end sticking out into a room full of ladies – I felt a bit vulnerable!

They tried to pulll me out, first one way then the other and although I suspect they quite enjoyed my predicament (there was a lot of giggling and I even saw the flash of a camera!) they soon realised that they needed help to get me out – so they called the fire brigade! Twenty minutes later and they arrived with sirens blaring and lights flashing. I wished a hole in the ground would just open and swallow me up! Those guys sure had a laugh at me before they got me out! I have honetly never felt quite so embarrassed. But the ladies said for them it was absolutely the best hen night they had ever had – they got not only a hunky naked butler for their murder mystery night but two hunky firemen thrown in too – for free!

Jays Naked Nap

Hi my name’s Jay. I’m a fitness centre manager in a gym on Hayling Island down near Portsmouth in the day time and on my evenings off – when I’m not in the gym I like to use my muscled physique and Brad Pitt looks to earn a bit of extra money all over the country at hen parties, serving drinks.

One Friday in June  it had been a very stressful day at work – an old lady appeared to have died in the jacuzzi – nobody could rouse her. The reception staff called an ambulance and they arrived just in time to see her waking up! I was hauled over the coals by the senior managers for call the ambulance – but what else coud we do – she looked like she’d died!

Anyway, later that evening I was butlering at a BBQ and pool party in Ongar, Essex. The ladies were all having a Mexican theme night, so had ordered a Tex Mex to eat and I was to serve it, mix sime Tequilla Sunrises and generally ensure everyone had a great time round the pool.

We had done the food and the first couple of rounds of drinks, posed for Facebook hen night album photos and then the ladies all began larking around in the water. They invited me in too and someone shot some more photos. I started to realise that the camera constantly flashing and the earlier day time stress  with the old lady – was all building up to a terrible migraine. Just as I came to the end of my two hour slot I was sure I would pass out if I didn’t lie down. So I asked the hostess if I could lie down for an hour some where quiet and dark before I tackled the 2 hour drive home.

She was happy for me to sleep on the sofa in the small lounge away from the main party, so I gratefully slipped in there and lay straight down. I must’ve tossed and turned a bit as my apron somehow moved completely round the back, leaving me completely uncovered whilst I slept. This wouldn’t have been a problem except that an hour later a group of girls who had come in to dry and change thought this room was empty. They switched on the lights and to their shock and mine, found a naked guy on their friends sofa. There was a lot of screaming, them giggling as they watched me hastily cover what was left of my dignity – one even took a cheeky snap! I sure hope that one doesn’t end up on Facebook!

 

The BBQ Surprise

Hi, I’m Ben a Butler2go. My day job is an IT consultant, but at night, that’s when the fun really starts!  Butlering is an easy way to earn whilst I party. I’m fair haired, 6ft 1″ tall and the ladies all tell me I look pretty fit. They’re probably just being kind about that, but I do have to work out most evenings at the gym to keep my muscles looking toned and I have to get plenty of sun to maintain my year round tan.

Early last summer  I was asked to serve drinks at a BBQ at a pretty little country cottage in Gloucestershire – at a party that a young lady was giving for her best friend who was getting married. The stone cottage was beautiful with roses all up the front and a very quaint rickety fence, single storey and spreading a long way back into a gorgeous flower filled country garden with two Nubian goats happily chewing the grass lawn. The stocky Polish chef was warming up the charcoal BBQ with a hairdryer when I arrived and by the time I came out ready changed into my butler gear he had huge clouds of smoke billowing out everywhere and people were rubbing their eyes.

I could see the guests all desperately  needed a cool drink to sooth their parched throats, so I quickly whipped round with my tray of bubbly and suggested they might like to move to the furthest corner of the garden away from the smoke. Over there everyone had a much better time and I  started to take orders for cocktails. Having mixed up several I took them all out in one batch and was just bending down to put the tray on a handy tree stump, when I felt warm breath and a soft touch on my cheeks. I whipped round in surprise only to find that one of the goats was innocently eating my apron strings!   I hope she enjoyed them, the BBQ looked like better fair to me.

Would you like a light madam?

Butler Dean was running a bit late after his afternoon doctors appointment ran over at the surgery. He hoped the pills the doc had given him would quickly cure his recent gastric troubles, he’d not been the same since he came back from his 2 weeks holiday in Tunisia. He swallowed a couple of tablets as he hurried up the path to his first butler appointment of the evening in Leeds.

He introduced himself and changed then got straight down to mixing cocktails and chatting to the ladies. This was what he loved doing in his spare time and it knocked spots off the boring day job ( IT guy for an accounting company.) What he especially loved was to make the ladies laugh and have a great time. He’d go round telling them little jokes, smiling and winking at everyone, flexing his muscles as he posed for photos with them. He was every girls ideal butler!

The party had been underway about an hour and Dean was asked if he could go and offer the canapés round. He had worked his way round most of the room and was just taking care of the aunties on the sofa …. bending to offer the tray of warm canapés when suddenly the flickering candle on the coffee table became a flame thrower as Deans gastric troubles manifested themselves as a huge dose of wind. Nothing could be more embarrassing to a butler than to have his naked rear end on fire when surrounded by so many lovely ladies, but  when he heard their howls of laughter his embarrassment quickly disappeared as he fell about laughing too.  

The Spiral Staircase

Hi, I’m Jeb and I work as a butler for Butlers2go. I’m studying medicine at uni and butlering is a fun, easy way to pay my way through it. I’m dark haired, 6ft 2″ tall and very fit. I row on the uni team and  I’m very muscular from working out at the gym.

This story goes back a few months to the early summer when I was asked to serve at a party that a lady professor was giving to her girlfriends. Her house was very smart, designer style, built on two levels, linked by a spiral staircase. There was a reception area downstairs and a kitchen, then a further reception area upstairs. Initially everyone was upstairs and I simply walked from the kitchen to the lounge handing out drinks and bites.I saw a couple of ladies walk downstairs and thought nothing of it until there was a call of “Jeb, could we have some more white wine?” I walked down the spiral staircase and saw them studying the paintings on the wall. I topped them up and then went back upstairs to attend to the other guests. Only I was aware that they weren’t actually looking at the art any longer, but were watching me, wearing just an apron, climbing the stairs.

Moments later, one of them came upstairs and whispered to one of the others and she joined them downstairs. Then I got another call from below asking for some bites to eat. I obliged and was greeted by three pairs of eyes, focused on my lower half, as I went up and down the stairs. Then more ladies went downstairs until there was no-one left upstairs and I was being sent up and down for this or that, each time being followed by umpteen pairs of approving eyes. It became really funny in  the end and as my time to leave approached, I gave them a final twirl on the steps, just incase anyone had missed anything.

I went to change into my outdoor wear and came back downstairs to leave the house. They gave me a cheer and the hostess thanked me for being a great sport. She pressed into my hand a smalll wad of notes and said “Next time Jeb, we’ll ask for you and a friend!”

Yet another life saved!

This happened a couple of weeks ago when I was asked by the company to attend as a butler at a yacht party for an afternoon. This was a first for me and I had been asked because a prime requirement was for a competent swimmer. I’m a lifeguard at a local pool and so fitted the bill admirably. Also, I have a very strong physique which puts me in popular demand at naked butler events.

I turned up on the Sunday afternoon at the marina and as soon as I arrived, the lady owner and hostess showed me the cabi in which to prepare myself and the gallery where all the drinks and food were set out. Then she hopped on deck and cast off. I was soon into action, walking around the deck of this maginificent yacht, handing out drinks and food to an admiring group of ladies. In no more than an hour, the anchor was dropped and we were moored in a beautiful bay surrounded by a calm blue sea and bathed in gorgeous sunshine. Many of the ladies stripped off to bikinis and lay in the sun, as i walked around serving more food and drinks.

i guesswe were about two hours into the afternoon when i saw an attractive young lady trip on a rope and fall overboard with a loud splash, followed by a yell of “Help, I can’t swim!” I was into action in a flash, dropping my tray and diving overboard. She was thrashing around and then disappeared under water. I soon had hold of her, as she went limp. “Round to the back of the boat, there’s a ledge there,” said the hostess. I quickly got my lady there and onto the ledge. She wasn’t moving so I went into resuscitation mode and started respiration before giving her mouth to mouth. Only this was different because in a moment her eyes were opebn and her tongue was searching inside my mouth. i pulled away and she smiled and said “Surprise, surprise. I just remembered i swim for the county!”

That brought a cheer from the others. I had been well and tuly set up! Well you’ve got to laugh, haven’t you? I stood up to climb on deck and that brought an even bigger cheer from the watching throng. My apron had been lost in the water and all I was wearing was the cuffs and bow tie. The hostess came to my rescue with a towel and told me to dry myself and that there was an apron in the galley I could wear.

I had another hour then of serving drinks to the ladies before I went and dressed and we set off back to the marina. As I left the boat I was given two things, the biggest tip I’ve ever recieved from the hostess who said it was her best boat party ever and her friends were very impressed. Also a business card  from the rescued lady with “call me” written on it.

Buzzing Round!

I was at my first sweltering hot BBQ for the summer, lucky for me the apron offered a flowing cool breeze while I worked the crowd offering iced fruit cocktails to refresh the guests. The chef shouted for some assistance with the food, I quickly placed my drinks tray on a tree stump in the middle of the lawn, and dashed off to serve the delicious BBQ.

With the guest enjoying the food I returned to my drinks tray. As I lifted the tray to my horror I released a nest of hot, angry wasps who’d been trapped within the tree stump. They swarmed out of the hole and swooped after me as I frantically ran up and down the garden, flapping my apron wildly in an attempt to save my crown jewels from being stung, much to the delight and amusement of the guests! Thank god I only parked my tray on the stump and not my bottom!

I’ll always leave the cream at home in future!

I was asked to step in at the last minute to butler at a garden party, and of course I jumped at the chance! It’s was a beautifully hot July day, perfect for a garden party. These days are the best, as you can imagine it can get a bit cold down below in the winter months, this was going to be a total blast! However dashing off to the party in such a rush of excitement I totally forgot to apply any sunscreen!

With the drinks flowing, the live music playing and my toned body on show, I could tell by the smiles all the ladies were having a fantastic day. Three hours later a rather stunning lady approached me mentioning I was indeed turning rather pink in places that don’t usually get to see the light of day. She came closer and whispered into my ear ‘come upstairs and I’ll caress the cream into those muscles’. All of a sudden there were roars of laughter as the ladies dug into their bags and waved cream at me. Before I could kindly refuse there had been a raffle started to apply the sunscreen to save me any further pain! These ticket sales raised over £200 pounds for charity! But the real treat Being the soft touch of the winning woman’s hand applying the cream! Maybe I’ll always leave my cream at home!

The nurses were very keen I have a full body examination!

The Company rang and told me ‘Kai, we’ve booked you to appear at a nursing home on Friday night. It’s a surprise 80th party’ for one of the ladies’.

Well, I thought, even at 80 my gran was up for a bit of fun, so I guess these ladies can still appreciate a good view!

I followed the address details carefully but, it didn’t look like a nursing home to me. But, who’s to say? So I whipped off the tracksuit and rang the bell. The door was answered by a gorgeous young female dressed in a nurse’s uniform. It looked like a nursing home but the music coming from inside wasn’t what I expected at all. Then another nurse appeared but she was a little more scantily dressed. It was then that I discovered that the booking office had got things a little mixed up. Instead of an 80th birthday at a nursing home, I was booked in at an 18th birthday at a student nurses home, where there were around 20 female student nurses all in minimal nurses uniforms welcoming me in with open arms, there were plenty of offers for a head to toe examination should I want one!

Getting out a limo is tricky, when all your wearing is an apron!

Although our company gets lots of bookings for limo outings, this was my first experience of going down town in a limo full of girls. My job was to serve the drinks and chocolates to perfection en route. Six girls filled the stretch limousine with giggles and laughter, celebrating Carly’s 21st birthday. By the time I served the third bottle of champagne they were getting quite boisterous. Having a virtually naked man in the confined space definitely added to their decibel level.

I work out a lot and have a nicely toned body, body hair doesn’t look good on a butler, so I shave it off my torso. Now this intrigued the girls and I could hear them whispering and giggling things like ‘do you think he’s shaved all over?’

Two hours passed very quickly and, in no time at all we were at our destination. Carly asked if she could have some photos with me on arrival and I obliged.  With cameras flashing, I carefully got out of the limo, struggling to keep everything concealed ( I’m not sure if its just me but the Butlers2Go apron I wear is rather on the small side!).

Immediately after, I heard hilarious giggling as the girls gathered together to view the shots. I walked over to see what was so funny when I realised that not only had my apron let me down, but another of the ladies had managed to get an ‘up-the-apron shot’! So I guess they longer need to ask if I’m clean shave all over!!

 

“I was doing a ladies 35th birthday garden party up near Manchester. The grounds of this big house were immaculate, they had a couple of big gazebos and I was meeting and greeting everyone with bubbly as they came in. The hostess was very friendly and charming with everyone, but she had a wicked twinkle in her eye when she laughed – I should have paid more attention to this. The party really started to get going after her friends surprised her with a Fireman stripper. But strippers are always very quick – they like to rev the ladies right up and then just leave and he was done in about 15 minutes so he had left and all the ladies were in really high spirits looking for the next laugh. The hostess came over for a chat and thanked me for looking after everyone so well. She asked if I had time to “Just open a couple more bottles of bubbly”? before my time was up I said “Sure, no problem.” and turned round to pick one up off the table – as soon as I turned away I heard this snip and felt my apron drop to th ground and there I suddenly was in full glory as a new potential fireman!

“It was my first butler party so the company put me with another very experienced butler on a big manor house do – where a business lady was entertaining her friends. We had been asked to take care of the meeting and greeting as guests came out into the marquee out back by offering them strawberry champagne, then afterwards just to go round offering drinks and canapés and chatting to everyone. I was really enjoying chatting to everyone, they were all so friendly. One lady asked me to pose for photos with her whilst her friend took the pictures, then they swapped over. Matt the other butler had told me that they always like to take loads of photos of you so it came as no surprise. First the photos were in the marquee, then out in the garden, by the fountain, then in the downstairs entrance. These two were draping themselves over me with great enthusiasm – I assumed for the benefit of showing their friends later. I think it only dawned on me that they had another agenda when the one who was holding the camera said “How do you feel about some interesting photos upstairs?” “Umm, I’m afraid I mustn’t neglect the other guests “ I said as I headed swiftly back out into the garden.

“I was serving canapés at a very mixed age hen party. There were ladies from 18 to 40ish there. As I was new to being a butler I was kind of expecting a bit of cheeky trouble from the younger ones. I felt sure all the older ladies would be very well behaved. The hens aunts were wanting me to pose with each of them for a photo and were busy making a space for me on the sofa. So I put the canapés on the side table and I sat down in the gap. To my surprise I found I was sitting on a hand, which then gave me a little squeeze. The hen was passing by with her camera at this point so rather than embarrass her aunt by drawing attention to what aunty had done (either inadvertently or otherwise) I put my arm round her aunt and leaned in with a big cheeky smile whilst she took a snap of us together on the sofa. When the photos appear on Facebook, I wonder if the aunt will ever let on about what we found so amusing?

“I was meeting and greeting guests at a fairly mixed age hen party. Giving the ladies all a glass of bucks fizz as they came in. The majority of the 30 or so guests had arrived and there were just a few ladies standing out in the reception area having a chat with me near my table. As I popped open another bottle of champagne the cork flew up, hit the ceiling and dropped back down landing in front of this group of ladies. I apologised for the near miss and bent down to pick it up. I suddenly felt a cool hand give my buttock a cheeky squeeze as the voice of the bride to be’s mother said “Wow they make them better now than in my day!” “Perhaps madam you’d like to work as a quality tester for our company ?” I asked.

“The party was well underway, I’d been mixing and pouring cocktails for over an hour. The hostess wanted to play a game or two with her guests and asked me if I would help? “Certainly – what do you want me to do?” I said.”” We are going to play chocolate Pictionary – all you have to do is be the canvas. Ok I said, not really understanding Pictionary. The hens obviously did. They quickly got into two teams – one team were to draw on my chest, the other on my back, each team picked a card and one artist from each team started drawing their image in chocolate body paint on my torso- it was a bit ticklish! The sand timer ran out just as the chest team guessed their image – they seemed to have won the game. “Oh no girls ! The really wild card” said the hostess “Is that the team who lick all of the chocolate off him the quickest are the true winners!